The Wonderful World of BS

Hello,

My world has been running almost entirely off of bullshit lately. I wrote a few days ago about a girl with whom I'm in a fight at the moment. The problem at the heart of the matter is not my fault, it was the fault of the school server and her leaving the project until the last minute, but she's decided that it's all my fault. So: I wrote an apology in which I claimed full responsibility and begged her forgiveness. I added some sincerity in saying that I didn't want our friendship to end this way, but that was the only grain of truth in the thing. If it gets me unignored, it was worth it.

I had to do a similar thing with my father a week ago. He decided that because my marks are falling (due, in no small part, to me trying to keep up with IB and not having enough time to perfect anything) that I am going to fail out of University before Christmas IF I even get accepted. So I bullshitted the answer I knew he wanted to hear and now he's trying to play the good role model card. It's not ideal, I'd just like to be left alone to figure this nonsense out on my own, which I'm swinging quite well since I can focus on IB and not split my attention between IB and Alberta, but it gets him off of yelling at me every night.

As much as I cringe to use the word, I know that manipulating people is horrible of me and that I'm gaining hell points by the minute, but it's keeping the world turning and everybody gets what they want. The girl at school thinks she's got me grovelling at her almighty feet, my dad thinks he's helping his unable daughter, and I get people to stop kicking me while I'm down. If I need to negotiate with God later, so be it. I have my whole life in which I can repent. Assuming this IB thing doesn't kill me first...

That's all for today, I'm going to watch some YouTube stuff before I go to sleep.

Tschüs!
~Alexandra